I know I have written about the Fat Suit once before, but for some reason these thoughts keep coming to mind. I am being brave and sharing this. These are things some of us may feel but will never utter. Please don't send a psychiatrist banging down my door or feel I need medical attention. I am just sharing to give a voice to others who may have been negatively impacted and thus their thoughts and self judgements are tainted as well.
Obesity is no laughing matter, it is a very scary thing. It is not easy to carry "extra" weight, it is not a glorious feeling waking up and checking your blood sugar because you have diabetes. Sleep apnea machines are pain in the ass to use and lets face it unattractive. Having to buy clothes at specialty shops who seem to have no clue what cute means, only hideous cover-ups and basically playing let's hide the fat so we can feel comfortable. Actually let me rephrase that, so society can feel comfortable when they see us walking down the street. When you have to literally judge buying a car based on the room size behind the wheel, and the guy trying to sell it tells you, you need more horsepower. I couldn't help but think, am I a freaking ox? Seriously, these are just a few of the thoughts that have come to mind. Let's get deep for a second. Again, I stress DO NOT SEND the men with ties to pin me down. I assure you, I am just being honest.
What about the hardcore loneliness that is both imposed and self inflicted? Some friends don't invite you to activities because you can't keep up, or physically you can't handle it. Then there are those who invite you everywhere but you yourself are too afraid of the judgements that would be passed. You get scared of those who may see you eat a hamburger and think "typical". So instead you make lame excuses and stay home drowning in your own self pity. Sometimes reassuring that tomorrow will be the day! You will start eating better and working out then you will be okay. Let's not forget the utter loneliness that makes you feel so invisible you begin to wonder what life would be like without you. Or worse yet, if you are even significant to matter. Scary I know.
At the lowest of lows what do you do? What is the most important thing right now? It is the one thing that is the hardest for any of us to do. At least in my personal journey, that is to LOVE YOURSELF!
This is the most difficult to do, when you never have. If you are like me and have thought something was wrong with you all your life, then this is the most feared thing in the world. How can you love yourself if you don't feel worthy of love? How can you see yourself in a different light, if you only see the one defining thing, your weight? Where do you go from here? Who do you depend on during your lowest of lows?
As I begin my journey to discover these answers for myself I turned to you. I say share the word, let others know, they are not alone. This is a battle that can be overcome. One step at a time. One of my favorite hymns that my grandmother Nee-Naw would always hum "One Day at a Time Sweet Jesus", this has gotten me through rough days. I say to you find your song, your poem, your story, that one thing that says, it will be okay.
Let us begin to find out who we truly are, and our true potential! Each of us house a spirit of great potential and the capacity to open ourselves up and make this world better. Find your voice, let it be heard! Do not be defined by a number on a scale, we are much much more than that!
Allow yourself to LOVE, and it begins with the greatest love of all yourself!
Oscar Wilde once wrote "to love oneself, is the beginning of a lifelong romance".
To this I say, let the romance begin!!
I bring this to you with much love, and great concern for all of us. Be kind to yourself and to one another! After all, it is written that love is the greatest of all.
We all have to start somewhere!! When I was about 16 years young, a dream came to me that I wanted to pursue. At that young age, I needed to expand my knowledge and figure out exactly what, when, how and where I wanted this dream to take me. After many years of soul searching and procrastination I have arrived! Tomorrow is my first film shoot for my short film entitled THINGS UNSAID. I will post a short trailer later this week!
From the beginning, the name LOST21LOSERS Productions was always with me. It may seem odd and off putting, but by all means it is mean for the greater good!! What the name means is this:
IF you have a DREAM, DIVE IN, PURSUE, if you fail, guess what? YOU TRIED!! Dust yourself off and go at it again!
If we live in fear, we will drown in fear! It has taken me a long time of personal set backs and heartaches to realize this.
By all means, this site is here to give a voice of support, to bring in new projects. Please share with friends and family! Comment, ask questions! Connect :)
Love unrequited seems such a wasteful thing,
Not knowing when it began, or how it ends.
Yet it ends just the same.
One heartbroken, one left unscathed.
When two hearts are broken,
Pain is seen, felt and heard,
When one heart is broken,
Their silent plea is never heard.
For when a heart breaks alone
Who can comfort a singular soul?
Tis it the wine in their glass?
The words of their past?
Or worse yet, a silence never acknowledged,
A hurt worse than any
Because it goes unacknowledged.
A love of hurt
A love of pain
A love of never knowing if they will ever feel the same.