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Since I was five years old, I have struggled with my weight. I have been put on and taken off pills, tried diets, exercised until I couldn't breathe, struggled daily. I was made to feel less worthy, less important. I was told that I would be so pretty if I only lost the weight. This internal struggle made me doubt my self-worth for a huge part of my life. Every time I walked into a dressing room, I struggled. Every time I go to the doctor, I too am asked about weight loss surgery. I have been told I would be the perfect woman if I was not so overweight. Now, let me explain why I am writing this. I am telling my story in hopes that other women with the same struggles will see they are not alone!
When I say I struggle, it means that I struggle to want to live. I spiral down a dark road that is hard sometimes to snap out of. I was once with a really good friend at the mall, he wanted to take me to the plus size store so I could try on different clothes and such. We walked into the store, I began looking around, and immediately I wanted to leave. Not because the clothes weren't great, not because he wasn't supportive, but because I felt exposed and vulnerable. This was my worst nightmare. Trying on clothes and feeling that gut punch every time something didn't fit. Having to send it back and ask for the bigger size, this was humiliating. I did not want a great day ruined by an even worse experience. Yet the fear of that opportunity, was enough to make me feel less than worthy.
I am very in-tune with people's vibes. I can usually tell when someone is upset, happy, in love, or just melancholy. So many times in my life I have felt the judgement of strangers. I have elderly women and men call me fat to my face. I have teenagers snap pictures of me to laugh with their friends later. I have been to places where my food intake was monitored. I have seen strangers stare and shake their heads at me, like I was diseased. I have been passed over for opportunities because my appearance did not fit their expectation, though my skills surpassed. I could go on for days of examples like this.
The point I want to make very clear is, judgement on others based on appearance, who they love, what color their beautiful skin may be, or even if they have a disability is pointless. No one has the right to judge someone else, you don't know their struggles, you don't know their story. We are all human, we make mistakes, but it doesn't give a right to treat others poorly.
I need to explain one other point for everyone: I do not see myself as fat, until I am reminded of that fact. I love to be at home sitting on my couch in a comfortable position and feeling THIN. Yes, you read that right! I do not see myself as fat. I have my vision of my inner-self, and she is beautiful, vibrant, and funny. She is able to move freely, and go about her day without any restraints. She is me! I am her. I love her. She is what keeps me going and alive. This inner woman, is full of adventure and life. She has fantastic goals, and the will to make them happen. My inner self is fearless, and wants to do so much. Yet when I get outside and she is running the show, the inevitible happens. The look, the stare, the questions, the offers of weight loss products, or simply I become fully aware of my weight, and she is gone back into hiding.
This inner woman constantly struggles to merge with the outer shell. I can only dream and hope that one day the two will meet and become one amazing woman.
A couple of weeks ago I was able to attend a weekly RPG game. They were playing a hybrid of Pathfinder/D&D 3.5. As a rookie they allowed me to sit and watch. They also allowed me to ask as many questions as I could. I was a very fortunate lady, this group of soldiers/veterans were very cordial and were happy to answer all my questions, no matter how obvious the answers were.
Five things I learned:
1. The digital age has changed the game drastically. As a kid I remembered seeing elaborate tables full of figurines and sometimes cosplay came into effect. (Only going by what I was exposed to at comic book stores and such.) This particular group of players, use their laptops where they have their character sheets, maps, and keep up to date on what their skill levels are.
2. You have to be attentive, very attentive. Each player had a very intricute character they were playing with. Skills levels varied, as did levels that each character was on. Details were key! Every detail was accounted for and tracked. Each fight sequence was a delicate balance of skill, luck, and strategy.
3. Patience!! You must have patience to play this type of game. A fight scene can take hours for 3 minutes of action. As stated before, every detail is tracked. This meant rolling to see if the player was successful or not.
4. DICE!! There are many different kinds of dice and each type has a purpose. You roll certain ones to get details on your character. You check skill levels, you determine if your spell, weapon, or healing worked. There were many many aspects that I still need to learn. It was all fascinating.
5. Creativity! Lots and lots of creativity goes into these games. This home brew was very creative, in the type of villains that were created, to the type of characters each player had. All were from different types of Sci-Fi worlds and each one had a specific skill set. So much imagination goes into preparing for these games. I had no idea! Each game is like a choose your own adventure book. All aspects and outcomes have to be taken into consideration as the game goes on. Every twist and turn has a counter measure. It was just amazing to hear and watch as they moved along their maps. I could imagine the fights and leisure times like movie reels in my head.
Overall, being able to attend their game has inspired me to want to play a Supernatural RPG or even Buffy!!
I want to give a special shout out to Jacob Ortiz for allowing me to invade their sacred space and ask so many questions! You service men not only are heroes for our country by heroes for my cause!! Thank you all!!
Howdy! Just a heads up! Site is being revamped and updated!! Please be patient with us as we get more information, videos, reviews, and fun stuff uploaded and organized!! Much love!!
Hey folks!! My sincerest apologies!! I know I have been away for quite some time, and all I can say is that LIFE HAPPENS!!
Rest assured I will be consistently updating and posting now. Looks like things are back in working order!! I would love to hear from you! Do you like my movie reviews? Raven's story? Our Videos? Or the random ramblings I post from time to time? More to come shortly!! Stay tuned and don't count us out yet...we have only just begun!! :) Peace love and all the good stuff!!
Mully is a documentary on Charles Mully a man in Africa who gave up his riches to provide education, homes, and food for children who had been abandoned, abused and alone. This film was beautifully shot, and edited. The testimonies of Mully's family members and friends were captivating. The flow of this movie is very smooth and entrancing, you can't help but want to see more. Charles Mully tells his story in a way that is like sitting at a storyteller's feet with anticipation. Scott Haze has done a phenomenal job directing this piece. From start to finish it was entertaining, heartwarming, and at times heart wrenching. I will definitely recommend this documentary to anyone, and ironically, I am not a fan of documentaries! For my rating I give five Lizas out of five Lizas!! This film is fantastic! Must see!
Mully's website- http://www.mullychildrensfamily.org/about
Austin Film Festival served as the world premiere spot for Burning Bodhi. This film was an awesome example of independent film at its best. It may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I enjoyed it. The camera use and cinematography was in itself a character throughout the film. From the use of single shots, great lighting, natural lighting, and color usage, it was visually pleasing. The story captured the way 20 something's may view death and heartache. The incorporation of texting and avoidance was right on point with the message. I feel that as I watch this film again, small nuances will begin to stand out. It is full of subtle messages to the audience. Kaley Cuoco's performance was dark and unsettling for those of us use to her perky comedic performances. She was brilliant! She was able to capture the dark and lost sense in Kate's character and brought it to a real relatable point. Anyone who has experienced dark times can relate. Cody Horn as Ember, was a character you couldn't help but love. She was so free and loving it was contagious. Landon Liboiron as Dylan played the confused and bitter 20 something to a T. He was able to show the back and forth of what the character hoped for, yet was afraid to accept throughout the movie. Dealing with issues with his girlfriend, his parents, and lastly his feelings towards his friend that passed. Matthew McDuffie wrote relatable and lovable characters, as well as directed a visually captivating piece. If you are a Greg Araki, or even John Waters fan, you will appreciate this film! I rate this 4 out of 5 Lizas!! Definitely a must see for any indie movie lover.
IMDB Link- http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3770426/
Photo By Fernando Martinez of Austin Film Festival.
This 2007 horror comedy is one of my favorite, "stick to men" movies. The character Dawn seems to be easy prey however something sinister lies within her that keeps her in check. As men young and old try to seduce and do much worse to her, she has her own built in weapon. Seems like a cult classic for me, and all I gotta say is men beware!! Check this one out if you haven't yet. Women will feel empowered, men will feel threatened. All in a good day's work for this horror flick.
Due to it's cheesy factor I can only award 3 Lizas to this film. You be the judge!
Gotta love Netflix!! I came across this 2003 movie called the Station Agent. It stars Peter Dinklage, Patricia Clarkson, Michelle Williams and Bobby Cannavale. The story is simple Fin (Peter Dinklage) inherits an old railroad station and moves to New Jersey. He meets Joe (Bobby Cannavale) and Oliva (Patricia Clarkson) then is in a way forced to become friends. It is a tale of opening up and overcoming fear. Very subtle yet powerful. The performances of Patricia Clarkson and Peter Dinklage are amazing. Both actors brought their full range of emotion in this film. I highly recommend it, especially for those of us who enjoy indies!!!
I rate this four out of five Lizas!!!
Hello gaming fans!! Our own Jim Springer has posted a few game reviews on his site! Please go and check them out! We want to say thanks for the support! Hit the link below for all the wonderful details!!
Thanks again!! - Staci
So those of you who know me personally know how much I admire and look up to Kevin Smith. I love his movies and have his way of dialogue. I hope that one day I can simply say "I am not worthy" in his presence!! As we were filming our short "Things Unsaid" I tried to dress the part of a female Kevin Smith. This is the results! :)