Body image has been a huge struggle for me in my life. I keep trying to convince everyone that the shell they see is not me. Inside I feel vibrant, alive, thin, healthy, and beautiful. My outside shell seems to be a buffer between me and the real world. I understand that when those who love me want me to be healthy and happy, it is because they care. In the same instance though, my mind goes down a deeper darker path. It is this part of my mind that thinks, I am ugly, depressing, and not lovable. People will always try to tell me otherwise, but it is not them that lead me to this. It is sad to say, society did. Every time a child calls me "fat" I know it was not their fault. It was something they are taught. Every time I walk in a room of people who stare, and pass judgement on me, I feel it. For those silly few who make fun of me elsewhere, but are nice to me, I feel it. Until we wake up and realize we are all people just trying to live and survive and fulfill what dreams we have, it will always serve as a roadblock. Most people say just brush the hater's off. Go on a diet for yourself. Why don't you get that operation?
Truth be told, words can hurt, whether or not they are meant to. All my life since I was just a five year old kid, I have been told to lose weight, you will feel better. Told that if you want to get married and have a family, just lose the weight. If you want to feel better, just lose the weight. The hardest part for anyone outside of me to realize, it is isn't that easy. If it were I would have done it a long long time ago. I once worked at a summer camp for 3 months, I walked about 5 miles a day, and ate only 3 well balanced meals. During those three months, I lost some weight, but it get's disheartening when it still isn't enough. Or you are certain it should have been more.
I have struggled with thyroid issues for as long as I can remember, and because of this medical problem, losing weight is even harder. It is an added road block. I am writing this to say that I may never be a perfect size, I may always have my "fat suit", but one thing will never change. Who I am and the way I treat others. Beauty is beyond physical, it is inside each of us. True beauty comes from the way you interact with other human beings and with nature. Now if we as people could take off the blinders and see each other for who we really are, we may have a fighting chance.